Children's tantrums complicate the life of any parents. Just yesterday, the baby was a "darling", and today it's been changed - it rolls up hysterics, screams at anything, falls to the floor, squeals, beats its head against walls and sex, and no exhortations of adults help. Such problems are rarely one-time protest actions. More often hysterics in the child are repeated systematically, even several times a day.
This can not help but worry the parents who think what they did wrong, everything is in order with the baby, how to stop these antics. It should be noted that hysteria can occur in any child. Only here in some it's a rarity, but for others - a daily nerve-racking procedure.
Doctor Evgeny Olegovich Komarovsky will show why this happens to children and how parents should react to hysterics. Why do hysterics occur in children under three years old? What do these children want to achieve in 2-4 years? What should parents do if the child is hysterical for any reason, sometimes in the middle of the night.
CONTENTS
Baby hysterics: why the child is hysterical?
Baby tantrums are a common occurrence. Even when the baby's parents say that they have the most peaceful child in the world, this does not mean that he never once arranged moody scenes on a flat spot.
Until recently, confessing hysterics to my own child was somehow embarrassing, parents were embarrassed, suddenly people around would think that they were raising their children badly, and sometimes they were afraid that their darling child would be considered mentally "not like that."So they fought, as they could, with the family.
In recent years, they began talking about the problem with specialists, child psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists and pediatricians. And there came the insight: withering children are much more than it might seem at first glance.
According to statistics, which have children's psychologists in one of the major clinics in Moscow, 80% of children under the age of 6 years are hysterical, periodically, and 55% of these children are hysterical regular. On average, children can fall into such attacks from 1 time per week to 3-5 times a day.
Children's tantrums have certain basic symptoms. As a rule, the attack is preceded by some identical events and situations.
During hysterics, a child can scream, tremble, choke, but there will not be too many tears. There may be disruptions in breathing, palpitation becomes more frequent, many children try to harm themselves, scratching their face, biting their hands, bumping against walls or on the floor. Attacks in children are long enough, after them they can not calm down for a long time, they sob.
At certain age periods hysterics acquire stronger manifestations, at such "critical" stages of growing up, emotional emissions change their color. They may suddenly appear, but they may just as suddenly disappear. But hysteria in no case can not be ignored, as it is impossible to admit that the child with the help of screaming and stomping with his feet began to manipulate the adult members of the family.
Doctor Komarovsky: opinion, advice to parents
First of all, according to Eugene Komarovsky, parents should remember that a child in a state of hysteria is necessarily required by the viewer. Kids never make scandals in front of a TV or a washing machine, they choose a living person, and from the family members, the one who is most sensitive to his behavior is suitable for the viewer.
If the pope begins to worry and get nervous, then he will be chosen by the child for a spectacular hysteria. And if the mother ignores the behavior of the child, then before her roll up the hysterics simply uninteresting.
How to wean the child from hysterics will tell Dr. Komarovskaya in the next video of
This view is somewhat contrary to the generally accepted opinion of child psychologists who claim that the child in a state of hysteria does not control himself at all. Komarovsky is sure that the kid is perfectly aware of the situation and the alignment of forces, and everything that does at that moment does completely arbitrarily.
Therefore, the main advice from Komarovsky - in no way to show that parents have a child "concert" at least somehow touching. No matter how strong the tears, shouts and stomping with your feet.
If the child at least once will achieve his through hysteria, he will use this method constantly. Komarovsky warns parents to beguile the child during hysterics.
To yield is to become a victim of manipulation, which will, in one way or another, constantly improving, continue for the rest of your life.
It is desirable that the quiet tactics of behavior and rejection of hysterics are adhered to by all members of the family, so that my mother's "no" never turned into a papa "yes" or grandma's "maybe."Then the child will quickly understand that hysteria is not a method at all, and will stop testing the nerves of adults on the fortress.
If the grandmother starts to show softness, to regret the child, offended by the parental refusal, then she risks becoming the only spectator of children's hysterics. The problem, says Komarovsky, is the lack of physical security with such grandmothers. After all, usually a grandson or grandchild gradually ceases to obey them and can get into an unpleasant situation in which they can be injured on a walk, get burned with boiling water in the kitchen, put something in the socket and so on, because the kid will not react to the grannies of the grandmother.
What should I do if I am hysterical when the child is very hysterical?
If a child is 1-2 years old, he can quickly form correct behavior at the reflex level. Komarovsky advises to put the baby in the arena, where he will have a safe space. As soon as hysterics began - leave the room, but give the child to understand that they hear it. As soon as the little fellow is silent, you can go to his room. If the cry repeats, go out again.
According to Yevgeny O., for the development of a stable reflex - "my mother is near, if I'm not yelling" a child of one and a half or two years is enough for two days.
For such a "training", parents will need truly iron nerves, the doctor points out. However, their efforts will necessarily be rewarded by the fact that in a short time they will have an adequate, quiet and obedient child in their family.
And one more important point - the earlier parents apply this knowledge in practice, the better for everyone. If the child has already exceeded 3 years, this method alone can not be avoided. It will take more painstaking work on the mistakes. First of all, over the parents' mistakes in the upbringing of their own children.
Naughty can be absolutely any kids, says Komarovsky. Much depends on the nature, temperament, upbringing, norms of behavior that are accepted in the family, from the relations between members of this family.
Do not forget about the "transition" age - 3 years, 6-7 years, adolescence.
3 years
At the age of about three years the child has an understanding and awareness of himself in this big world, and, naturally, he wants to try this world for strength. In addition, children at this age are not all and are not always able to express their feelings, emotions and emotions on any occasion. So they show them in the form of hysterics.
Quite often at this age stage, night tantrums begin. They are spontaneous in nature, the child just wakes up at night and immediately practices a piercing cry, arching an arc, sometimes trying to break away from adults and try to escape. Usually the night tantrums last not so long, and the child "outgrows" them, they stop as suddenly as they began.
6-7 years
In 6-7 years a new stage of growing takes place. The kid has already matured in order to go to school, and from him begin to demand more than before. He is very afraid not to meet these requirements, he is afraid of "failing", the stress accumulates and sometimes pours out again in the form of hysterics.
Eugene Komarovsky emphasizes that most often doctors refer to this problem when parents are 4-5 years old when hysterics occur "out of habit".
If at an earlier age the parents were unable to stop such behavior and involuntarily became participants in a tough performance, which the kid plays before them day in and day out, trying to achieve something of his own.
Parents are usually scared of some external manifestation of hysterics, such as a child's fainting, seizures, a "hysterical bridge"( arched back arched), deep sobs and breathing disorder. Affective-respiratory disorders, this is what Yevgeny Olegovich calls this phenomenon, are typical for children of an early age - up to 3 years. With strong crying, the child exhales almost the entire volume of air from the lungs, and this leads to a blanching, a delay in breathing.
Such attacks are peculiar to children whimsical, excitable, says Komarovsky. Many children use other methods of disposing of anger, disappointment or resentment - they sublimate emotion into motion - they fall, they knock with their feet and hands, they beat their heads against objects, walls, floor.
With a prolonged and severe hysterical affective-respiratory attack, involuntary convulsions may begin if the child begins to suffer consciousness. Sometimes in this state the baby can be described, even if he has long walked perfectly on the pot, and no incidents occur. Usually, after cramps( tonic - with muscle tension or clonic - with relaxation, "limp"), breathing is restored, the skin ceases to be "bluish", the baby begins to calm down.
At such displays of a hysterics all the same it is better to consult with the children's neurologist as the same signs peculiar to some nervous frustration.
Tips for Child Psychologist
Teach your child to express emotions in words. Do not be angry or irritated like any other normal person, your child can not. You just need to teach him how to properly express his anger or irritation.
A child prone to hysterical attacks, should not over-patronize, groom and cherish, it is best to give it to a kindergarten as early as possible. There, says Komarovsky, the attacks usually do not occur at all because of the lack of constant and impressionable viewers hysterical - mom and dad.
Hysterical attacks can be learned to foresee and control. For this, parents need to carefully observe when hysteria usually begins. The child can be sleepy, hungry or he does not suffer, when it starts to rush. Try to bypass potential "conflict" situations side.
At the first signs of beginning hysterics, you should try to distract the child. Usually, says Komarovsky, this is quite successful "works" with children up to three years. With older guys, it will be more difficult.
If your child is inclined to hold his breath in hysterics, nothing particularly terrible in this. Komarovsky says that in order to establish breathing, you just need to blow the boy's face, and he will reflexively take a breath.
No matter how difficult it is for parents to struggle with the hysterics of a child, Komarovsky strongly recommends reaching this through. If you let the baby conquer you with hysteria, then it will be even harder. After all, from the worn out three-year-old, one day a hysterical and completely unbearable teenager of 15-16 years will grow up. He will ruin his life not only for his parents. He will greatly complicate it to himself.
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Source of publication: the editorial of the article from the site http://www.o-krohe.ru /komarovskij/isteriki/
