Effective parenting, prevention of child abuse

Family education is a common name for the processes of impact on children by parents and other family members in order to achieve the desired results. Social, family, school education is carried out in indissoluble unity. A family for a child is both an environment of living and an educational environment. The influence of the family, especially in the initial period of the child's life, far exceeds other educational influences.

Traditionally the main institute of upbringing is the family. The fact that a child in childhood earns in the family, he retains throughout the rest of his life. The importance of the family as an institution of upbringing is conditioned by the fact that the child is in it for a significant part of his life, and in terms of the duration of his influence on the person, none of the institutions of upbringing can compare with the family. It laid the foundations of the child's personality. It is in the family that the child receives the first life experience, makes the first observations and learns how to behave in different situations.


Rules for effective education

In order for a family to be more effective, it is necessary to follow certain rules:

  1. A child should be loved as he is.
  2. Not words are important for a child, but with what intonation they were told.
  3. It is necessary to know the features of age, which will help to avoid the eternal conflict of "fathers and children" and will provide an opportunity to choose the best methods of education.
  4. It is important to be able to hear what the child is talking about, not to make hasty conclusions.
  5. We need to learn how to punish the child correctly for the deed done without degrading his personality.
  6. Before making conclusions on the remarks of foreign people about the child, you need to listen to him, understand the reasons, do not be afraid to "lose face" in someone else's eyes, and cherish the trust of your child.
  7. Strive to be an example to your child.
  8. Children do not need total control, they need sincere complicity of parents in their lives.
  9. It is necessary to talk more often with children about life, about mistakes, since no one is immune from them.
  10. You can not leave your child alone with difficulties with yourself.

One of the main prerequisites for a healthy child's mental development is that it grows in an emotionally warm and stable environment. At first glance this seems obvious and easily achievable. But all the same, in order for these two conditions to be fulfilled, we must think about them properly, sometimes we have to put a lot of effort into their implementation.

The modern reality is that only half of the women have a family.

There are several reasons for this: a woman who is working on equal terms with a man, takes a lesser part in family life. Together with the increased independence of women, on her part, increased demands for the spouse, the nature of the relationship, the tendency to take the dominant position in the family has increased. Marriage has become less stable.

But, nevertheless, there was an incorrect, widespread idea of ​​the possibility of a woman's release from the upbringing of her children. Due to a lack of understanding of the characteristics of the modern family and the role of women in it, the opinion has appeared that the person is formed "automatically".Where did this, say, frankly, dependency look at their parental responsibilities come from? In its time, the state took upon itself literally everything. Parents were freed from the main duty of raising children.

All parents took care of their children to state institutions. There was some miserable point of view: "Life will teach!" Or "You'll go to the vocational school, there they will show it to him."What will they teach? What will they show? This, of course, is the utter indifference to education and the fate of their children. Life will not be taught, but retrained, sometimes hard and painful.

The idea of ​​the determining role of the environment in education is fair, although not new. However, the environment closest to children can not be excluded from the concept of "environment";family environment.

Influence of upbringing on the development of the personality

When solving the issues of upbringing, it should be remembered that there are a considerable number of models of upbringing that depend on the means, goals and forms of the alleged impact on the person. For example, there is a religious and secular, democratic and authoritarian, international and national, and so on.

The main issue is the goal of education. Not realizing its holistic task, it is impossible to properly raise a child. LN Tolstoy believed that any intervention in the life of a child can only make sense if it contributes to the development of individuality, the disclosure of talents and the removal of any factors that impede harmonious internal development.

Work on yourself, help in the process of becoming a person's personality - these are the tasks of education in the family. If, as a result, a person finds himself in the world around him, and not continuously limited to a hard impact, education will be good.

The tasks of family education

The most important task of family education is to bring the child to work independently on himself throughout his life, to the ability to use the gift of inner freedom. Often parents restrict the freedom of the child, they are right, but they must remember that it is not necessary to artificially increase the pressure: this impact makes sense only if it teaches the child to own and appreciate their own freedom, and to fully control their own forces. The tasks of education are not so simple - take, for example, the issue of discipline. If a child has been taught from childhood that he has many rights, but there are no duties, this not only speaks of the inability of parents to educate, but also can lead to difficulties in the independent life of the child in the future.

Place of discipline in the education of

The discipline begins from the first days of life - this is the main goal of moral education. It is necessary to clearly distinguish between what is allowed and what is not, for which they will always be punished, and not under the bad mood of the educator. The task of the family is to teach the child to his duties from the very childhood. Have you ever wondered why now most of young people are inclined to easy, often even criminal, earnings? These are all the consequences of incorrect education: in the childhood these people were not burdened with work and care, providing them completely. If the child is allowed everything, and thus he is not responsible for anything, he eventually begins to "command" his parents.

The objectives of education are to distinguish between the adoption of discipline and mandatory rules and attempts to impose their views on the world, their tastes, moods, feelings and experiences. It is important to have a good example before your eyes: the family must follow the same rules. It is also important that parents try to understand the point of view of their child, his interests and tastes. Everyone in the family should have their own duties, which are able to consolidate in a person a sense of their own worth, a sense of responsibility. Also, the tasks of education are to create conditions for the harmonious development of the child's personality.

It is very important in time to determine the talents of the child and his weaknesses, because often some gift of the child lying on the surface, obscures the main. For example, giving quick results writing poetry can distract a child from the research talent that is hidden in him. To identify and develop the latter, a long and laborious work is necessary, but it is natural for children to give preference to easier ways. However, the tasks of mental education are not in the forefront. It is more important to educate a child from a child, not a scientist. It is not important to what heights the future career of a child will fly to, but the way it will become a person.

The example of parents is often much more effective for the child, although they may not be aware of their influence. A few words that parents can mechanically shift among themselves can leave a much greater trace in the child than long teachings that often cause nothing in him but disgust;exactly the same action can have and an understanding smile, a word thrown in passing.

What, in fact, remains in our memory from childhood, when we have grown up, when some cases that happened to us during this period are already forgotten? Obviously, there is something in our memory that first of all formed us: some special atmosphere of our home, connected with many daily insignificant events, or the fear that we experienced in connection with many incomprehensible events for us.

It is such a calm and joyful or tense, full of fear and fear atmosphere that affects the child most of all, on his growth and becoming, imposes a deep imprint on all his subsequent development.

The nature of this family atmosphere is determined primarily by how family members communicate with each other. There are amicable families in which no one is left behind, where there are no those who suppress the initiative and activity of others. The atmosphere of emotional warmth reigns in the family, here they share thoughts and experiences with each other. Here there is consent, contradictions do not hide, but try to solve them. The family is thus transformed into a world in which all life is reflected, and where all difficulties are overcome with the help of all family members. And, in spite of the losses and crisis situations that have to, survive and overcome the family, adapting to the new social conditions, its significance does not disappear, but rather even increases.

There is no doubt that the family, as a rule, is the best environment for the upbringing of children, and often a strong emotional "shelter" for adults. Efforts to help the family in solving its economic, social and other problems are now more relevant than conversations that condemn the family as an obsolete and outdated institution.

However, one can not pass by the heavy moral damage inflicted on the child by constant quarrels, rudeness, reproaches, mutual accusations of parents.

At all costs to keep the family for the sake of the child is not always the best solution for children. Divorce with an agreement on mutual contact of parents with a child can be a sensible way out of a difficult situation, often the child becomes calmer in such cases.

Components of family education:

  • physical - based on a healthy lifestyle and includes the proper organization of the daily routine, exercise, hardening of the body;
  • is a moral - the core of the relationship forming the personality. Education of eternal moral values ​​- love, respect, kindness, decency, honesty, justice, conscience, dignity, duty;
  • intelligent - involves the interested participation of parents in enriching children with knowledge, forming the needs for their acquisition and constant updating;
  • aesthetic - designed to develop the talents and talents of children or just give them an idea of ​​the beautiful that exists in life;

Basic methods of family education:

  • persuasion( explanation, suggestion, advice);
  • personal example;
  • promotion( praise, gifts, interesting for children prospect);
  • punishment( loss of pleasure).

Factors in the choice of methods for family upbringing of children:

  • Knowing the parents of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what tasks they carry out, what difficulties they experience.
  • Personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of relations in the family, the desire to educate by personal example also affects the choice of methods.
  • If parents prefer a joint activity, then practical methods usually prevail.

But, unfortunately, external well-being is not always a guarantee of respectful attitude to the child within the family - often violence, especially psychological, is applied to their children by well-educated people and, worst of all, does not see anything wrong or unnatural in it. Why is this happening in families where the parents are quite safe and the children are well organized? The answer to this question may be hidden in the inner world of each of the parents.

In the event of problems, the couple in many cases begin to negate their own negativity and abuse them on the children. A child who does not understand what he is guilty of, begins to simply become self-absorbed, at that time the parents, not understanding and not realizing that the problem originally came from them, begin to show more aggression towards the child. In the course of clarifying the relationship between the spouses, cruelty, aggression, and even physical force towards the child begins to manifest.

Symptoms of parents 'cruelty to children

Features of parents' behavior that allow to suspect cruelty towards the child:

  • conflicting, confusing explanations of the causes of injuries in the child and unwillingness to clarify what happened;
  • a later request for medical assistance or an initiative for seeking help comes from an unauthorized person;
  • accusation of a child's injuries;
  • inadequate response of parents to the severity of the damage, the desire to exaggerate or understate it;
  • lack of concern for the fate of the child;
  • inattention, lack of affection and emotional support in the treatment of the child;
  • concern with own problems, not related to the health of the child;
  • stories about how they were punished in childhood;
  • signs of mental disorders in the behavior or manifestation of pathological traits( aggressiveness, agitation, inadequacy).

Physical violence is the intentional infliction of physical damage to the child by parents or persons who replace them, or are responsible for their upbringing. These injuries can lead to death, cause serious( requiring medical attention) violations of physical, mental health or developmental lag. Physical violence can be recognized by the characteristics of the appearance and nature of injuries.


  • multiple lesions having a specific character( fingerprints, belts, cigarette burns) and various prescription( fresh and healing);
  • delay in physical development( lag in weight and height), dehydration( for infants);
  • signs of poor care( hygienic neglect, untidy appearance, rash).

Features of the child's mental state and behavior that allow him to suspect physical abuse, depending on age:

Age 0 - 6 months.:

  • inactivity;
  • indifference to the surrounding world;
  • absence or weak response to external stimuli;
  • rare smile aged 3-6 months.

Age 6 months.- 1.5 years:

  • fear of parents;
  • fear of physical contact with adults;
  • constant causeless suspicion;
  • tearfulness, constant whimper, closedness, sadness;
  • fright or depression when trying to take adults.

Age 1,5 - 3 years:

  • fear of adults;
  • rare manifestations of joy, tearfulness;
  • a fright reaction to the crying of other children;
  • extremes in behavior - from excessive aggression to indifference.

Age 3 years - 6 years:

  • reconciliation with the incident, lack of resistance;
  • passive reaction to pain;
  • a painful attitude towards remarks, criticism;
  • ingratiating behavior, excessive compliance;
  • pseudo-adult behavior( outwardly copies the behavior of adults);
  • negativism, aggressiveness;
  • lies, stealing;
  • cruelty to animals;
  • prone to arson;

Junior school years:

  • aspiration to hide the cause of injuries and injuries;
  • loneliness, lack of friends;
  • fear of going home after school.


  • shoots from home;
  • suicidal attempts( suicide attempts);
  • delinquent( criminal or antisocial) behavior;
  • use of alcohol, drugs.

Features of the mental state and behavior of children, allowing you to suspect sexual abuse.

Preschool children:

  • nightmares;
  • fears;
  • regressive behavior( the appearance of actions or actions typical of younger age);
  • unusual for the nature of sexual games with yourself, peers or toys;
  • open masturbation;
  • is an age-old knowledge of sexual behavior;
  • causeless neuropsychiatric disorders.

Younger preschool children:

  • low achievement;
  • isolation, the desire for solitude;
  • change of role behavior( assumes the functions of the parent);
  • worsening relationships with peers;
  • is an age-old sexually-colored behavior;
  • the desire to completely cover the body with clothing, even if this is not necessary.

Older children, adolescents:

  • depression;
  • escapes from home or institutional institutions;
  • low self-esteem;
  • threats or attempted suicide;
  • sexualized behavior;
  • Drug or alcohol use;
  • prostitution or promiscuity;
  • complaints of abdominal pain.

Features of mental state and physical development, which allow to suspect - emotional violence: delay in physical and mental development;

  • nervous tic;
  • enuresis;
  • is a sad sight;
  • various somatic diseases( obesity, severe body weight loss, stomach ulcer, skin diseases, allergic pathology)
  • anxiety or anxiety;
  • sleep disturbance;
  • long-persistent depressed state;
  • aggressiveness;
  • propensity for solitude;
  • excessive compliance, ingratiating, obsequious behavior;
  • threats or suicide attempts;
  • inability to communicate, build relationships with other people, including peers;
  • poor performance;
  • low self-esteem;
  • impaired appetite.

Features of adult behavior that allow suspected child abuse:

  • unwillingness to comfort a child who really needs it;
  • insult, abuse, accusation or public insult to the child;
  • constant supercritical relation to it;
  • negative characteristics of the child;
  • identifying the child with a hated or unloved relative;
  • shifting responsibility to him for his failures;
  • open recognition in dislike or hate for the child.

Features of the child's mental state and behavior that allow him to suspect a disdainful attitude towards him:

  • permanent hunger and / or thirst;
  • stealing food;
  • aspiration by any means, up to self-harm, attract to itself - the attention of adults;
  • the requirement of affection and attention;
  • depressed mood, apathy;
  • passivity;
  • aggressiveness and impulsiveness;
  • delinquent( antisocial) behavior, up to and including vandalism;
  • inability to communicate with people, be friends;
  • indiscriminate friendliness;
  • regressive behavior;
  • masturbation;
  • learning difficulties, poor academic performance, lack of knowledge;
  • low self-esteem.

Risk factors for child abuse

The following are considered risk factors for child abuse:

  • is an incomplete or large family, and also one in which there are constant conflicts between parents;
  • family with adopted children;
  • presence in the family of an alcoholic patient or drug addiction;
  • social isolation of the family, specific cultural or religious factors;
  • stresses resulting from unemployment, financial difficulties, death or loss of a loved one, marital conflicts, excessive employment of adults;
  • use of physical and mental violence as punishment;
  • young parents( 17 years and younger) with inadequate parental skills;
  • low level of education and insufficient professionalism of parents;
  • refugee status as a result of interethnic conflicts.

Risk factors characterizing the characteristics of child victims of violence:

  • unwanted child;
  • the child has physical and mental disabilities;
  • low birth weight, prematurity;
  • congenital malformation;
  • the unloved child in the family;
  • similarity with an unloved relative;
  • violations in the behavior of the child, including hyperactivity;
  • is a "difficult" child;
  • is a highly gifted or talented child.

How can I tell if a child is experiencing abuse?

  • Teachers note the depressed state of the child. Signs of depression: a constant depressed mood, crying, irritability, low concentration and self-esteem, lack of energy. There are physical manifestations of depression: frequent abdominal pain, headaches.
  • The child becomes violent.
  • The child talks on "adult" topics, speaks about the relationship of the sexes, clearly repeating the words of the elders.
  • A child exhibits antisocial inclinations, for example, steals, runs away from home.
  • Do not trust adults.
  • Can not explain its physical needs.

Preventive work with parents and educators provides for the establishment of an unused reserve for family education, finding the ways for optimal pedagogical interaction between the school and the family, including the family in the educational process through the system of parental meetings, school activities with children and parents, and the work of the school council.

Prevention of child abuse

Preventive work is carried out by the school administration( with involvement of interested departments), class leaders, social pedagogue, teacher-psychologist. This work needs to be divided into several stages.

Organizational work :

  1. holding thematic pedagogical advice;
  2. planning work on the prevention of child abuse;
  3. compiling a social passport of a class, school;
  4. keeping a file of students from disadvantaged families, students who are on the in-school account, on the account of the Municipal Department of Internal Affairs, KDN;
  5. visit the families of the school district, identify students who do not attend school;
  6. identification and registration of children with deviant behavior, involving them in sports sections and circles.

Diagnostic work :

  1. questioning of students with the purpose of revealing cruelty to children;
  2. conducting diagnostic techniques to study the personality of the student;
  3. questioning of parents in order to identify intra-family relations;
  4. filling in the student's personal card;
  5. visiting families;
  6. work with a juvenile inspector, a district inspector;
  7. work with specialists from the CRH.

Preventive work of with schoolchildren :

  • legal awareness of minors;
  • individual preventive conversations with students, identifying the causes of behavioral disorders( social educator, teacher-psychologist, class teacher,
  • school nurse, school administration);
  • use of interactive methods of education;
  • training sessions for schoolchildren;
  • games and discussions to activate cognitive interests of schoolchildren;
  • involving children of the "risk group" in after-hour activities:

- involvement in the creative life of the class, schools, sports sections, circles;

- coverage of organizational rest during the holidays and throughout the year;

- assistance in employment in the summer;

  • organization of consultations by specialists;
  • providing psychological assistance.

Preventive work of with parents :

  1. parent legal awareness;
  2. revealing socially dangerous families, socially unprotected families and putting them on the inside of school control;
  3. visiting of families by place of residence, sending applications to the KDN;
  4. conducting parental education on the topics:

"Prevention of family abuse" "Psychological and pedagogical characteristics of a minor" "Creating an emotional field in relationships"

"Rights and responsibilities of the family"

"The cause of child suicide"

"Prevention of offenses and crimes

"Rights, Responsibilities, Responsibility of Parents and Juveniles "

" Prevention of unfavorable relationships in the family and society "

" Raising children in the family. Problems of internal and external communication of the family. "

  1. organization of consultations of specialists: social pedagogue, psychologist, medical worker;
  2. organization of thematic meetings of parents with educators, law enforcement bodies, health authorities.

Protecting children from violence: helpline, contacting special services.

. Children's helpline 8-800-2000-122.

Optimal protection of children from violence becomes an appeal to the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, as well as to the inspection of juvenile affairs.

It is the duty of the authorized bodies to conduct a thorough objective check of the child's living conditions, which may result in one of the following decisions:

  1. transfer of materials to the police or the prosecutor's office to decide whether to initiate proceedings against parents or other family members for child abuse.
  2. sending a report to the prosecutor's office on the desirability of depriving parents of parental rights( or restrictions in rights) and transferring the child to the care of other relatives or to a specialized children's institution;
  3. issue warnings to parents and follow up the family with follow-up systematic checks( as a rule, an order is issued to change the way of life - for example, compulsory employment, treatment for alcohol or drug dependence, inadmissibility of any kind of violence to the child).

Responsibility for child abuse: legal registration

Child abuse in Russia invariably entails liability - criminal, civil or administrative. Thus, in accordance with Article 156 of the Criminal Code, parents or persons called upon to replace them by force of law for the use of violence against a child face punishment in the form of imprisonment for up to 3 years or the payment of a large fine.

This norm also extends to educators, educators or employees of institutions that supervise children left without parental care( orphanages, children's homes, shelters, etc.).

Deprivation of parental rights( Article 69 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation).This measure can be irreversible: with the advent of elements of juvenile justice in Russia, the procedure for restoring parental rights has become much more difficult than the procedure for their deprivation.

Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to prove the use of violence against a child, even if the latter denies it: a planned medical examination, the appearance in the children's institution with obvious signs of beatings, the testimony of neighbors - this is more than enough to bring parents to justice.

It is more difficult to prove psychological violence, but in this case there are ways: pathological changes in the emotional state of the child are an indisputable reason for conducting a check by representatives of guardianship and trusteeship agencies.

Monitoring of applications to the police for missing minors( including those associated with a permanent prolonged absence of a home);

Assistance in employment of members of low-income families and organization of their treatment from alcohol and drug addiction.

Memo for parents

Dear dad and mom! In life, a person meets not only with good, but also with evil, acquires not only a positive but also a negative experience.

Good heals the heart, evil hurts the body and soul, leaving scars and scars for the rest of life.

Remember these simple rules in our difficult life. ..

  1. Discuss with a teenager the issue of helping different services in a situation involving a risk to life.
  2. Speak with him those phone numbers that he should use in a situation involving a risk to life.
  3. Give him your working phone numbers, as well as phone numbers of people you trust.
  4. Bring up a habit in your child to tell you not only about your achievements, but also about anxieties, doubts, fears.
  5. Do not ignore every difficult situation, analyze with it.
  6. Discuss with the child examples of resourcefulness and courage of people who managed to get out of a difficult life situation.
  7. Do not sneer at the child, if in some situation he turned out to be weak physically and morally. Help him and support him, indicate possible ways to solve the problem.
  8. If the problems are only related to the fact that your child is physically weak, write it down in the section and be interested in his successes.
  9. If any of your friends and friends make you fearful about your child, check your doubts and do not talk to this person any more.
  10. Do not be late with answering your child's questions on various problems of physiology, otherwise other people can answer them.
  11. Try to make sure that the child from the early childhood was responsible for their actions and for making decisions.
  12. Teach a child to foresee the consequences of his actions, Form him the need to raise a question like: what if?. .
  13. If your child has been sexually abused, do not act like he did something terrible, after which his life is impossible.
  14. discuss with the child what happened, especially with strangers and strangers.
  15. Do not form a complex of guilt for your child for what happened.
  16. Do not let other people express sympathy and pity to your child. It forms acceptance of the installation, that it is not like everyone else.
  17. Give your child the opportunity to speak to you the most difficult situation to the end and without a trace. This will help him get rid of the burden of guilt and responsibility.

Emotional violence - a prolonged inadequate response of adults in response to the child's expressive behavior.

Psychological violence - long inadequate behavior of adults, the overwhelming personality of the child, his creative and intellectual potential.

Examples of emotional and psychological violence: intimidation of a child

  • is frightening to him with the help of actions, gestures, views,
  • is used to intimidate his growth, age,
  • is screamed at him,
  • threatens violence against others( parents of the child, friends, animals andetc).
  • use of the strength of public institutions - religious organization, court, police, schools, special schools for children, shelter, relatives, psychiatric hospital and so on.
  • use of isolation - control his access to communication with peers, adults, brothers and sisters, parents, grandparents

Above the child also commit emotional abuse if:

  • degrades his dignity,
  • uses insulting nicknames,
  • uses him as a trusted person,
  • when communicating with the child show inconsistency,
  • child is ashamed,
  • uses the child as a transmitter of information to another parent( adult).

The child is cruelly used if threats are used:

  • threats throw him( and in the orphanage - expel and transfer to another institution),
  • threatening suicide, physical harm to oneself or relatives.
  • uses their privileges: they treat the child as a servant, with a subordinate,
  • refuse to tell the child about decisions that relate directly to him, his fate: about visits by his parents, guardians, the child is interrupted during conversations.

Forms of emotional, psychological and economic violence are often elevated to the rank of "education system", and it is very difficult to adjust the position of people whose duty is care, protection, care, guidance, help and partnership( this is something that should be included in the concept of "upbringing ").

Parents about punishment

  • Spanking a child, you teach him to be afraid of you.
  • Showing the worst features of your character in children, you show them a bad example.
  • Corporal punishment requires parents to have less intelligence and abilities than any other educational measures.
  • Spanking can only approve, but not change the child's behavior.
  • Punishments force the child to fear loss of parental love. He feels rejected and begins to be jealous of his brother or sister, and sometimes of his parents.
  • A punished child may have a hostile feeling for the parents. And just in it two feelings will unite: love and hatred, - as soon as a conflict arises.
  • If you slap the child under the hot hand, it means that you are worse at owning yourself than demanding from the child.
  • Frequent punishments encourage the child to attract the attention of the parents by any means.

How to replace punishment?

  • Patience. This is the greatest virtue that only parents can have.
  • Explanation. Explain to the child why his behavior is wrong, but be extremely brief.
  • Slowness. Do not rush to punish your son or daughter - wait until the misconduct recurs.
  • Award winning. They are more effective than punishment

Video on topic

Social video: Prevention of child abuse

Timur Igzamov is a psychologist. Chegmagushevsky social shelter - nomination: "Social video on the prevention of child abuse in the family, as part of the implementation of the subprogram" We will protect our childhood! "

Source: materials http: //dondsc9.edusite.ru/DswMedia/ lekciidlyaroditeley.pdf

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